I miss you too. I miss my brothers…I miss my family. If I had known how much I would miss you and how much I would need you before I left, I wouldn’t have come here. If you lived here, I would live with you. And if I could have a future in Venezuela, and felt comfortable there, I would go back. But the truth is that I never felt myself there. I learned a lot in this Canadian culture, where there is no superficiality, judging.. where people live and let live, being whoever you want to be.
I stayed not because you did something wrong, the opposite in fact, because you did it very well. I never could conform to Latin American culture… and that probably has to do because you led your life —and by association mine— without giving a fuck about anything (sorry about the language). I am happy here, with my values and my morals. And I thank you and dad for that. You raised me letting me be happy by being me… the girl that never liked wearing skirts and liked to play with legos and loved water skiing on the beach.
I would have liked to live with you and my brothers for many years more. And the truth mom is that I never imagined that Toronto would be my home, and that I would stay here for 8 years. I think for a while there, days just went by…. without me noticing. Suddenly I opened my eyes, I was 24 years old, I was in a comfortable but not happy relationship, both personally and professionally. The last few months I feel I’m finally learning to be a grown up and be responsible of my life, all aspects of it. And the truth is that… it wasn’t the easiest thing, but here I am, happier than before. Of course would have been much easier to go back home, and probably stay, but I never saw you or dad give up… so I pushed through it. And still even though I’m happy, I sometimes imagine what would have happened if I had stayed.. but nothing good comes out of that kind of thinking.
I love you mom, I’m very happy and glad of all you have given me and taught me.
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This was an email I sent my mom tonight. I hadn’t really talked to her in 3 weeks or so, and I feel I’ve lost what little connection we had.
I debated weather I should post this for the world to see. But rarely do I ever tell the people that matter to me, well… how much they do matter.
